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[07 Jan 2010|01:51am] |
Душа требовала перемен, и я долго хотела что-то сделать такое... Но вот незадача. С синяком на левом глазе после нового года ничего не пришло в голову, кроме того, как постричься наголо. Под 0 то есть. Сижу и хохочу над собой. Совсем как тут.
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| в БШГ |
[06 Jan 2010|04:37pm] |
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[05 Jan 2010|01:14am] |
So, what the fuck, the environment has had 1.5% (why can't you capitalise numbers? HUH?) coverage in the media this year, DOWN FROM the past two years? Source. Lol at 'Global Warming Generates Little Heat in the Media'. These journalists sure know how to kick off with a catchy pun. Um, also, those stats are American. I'm trying to find the Engerlish oness now. The internet is hard to search. Why is it to hard to find media statistics? Okay, I can't find a nice and simple UK stats website which tells me what I want, but I think in the UK we had more environmental media coverage. Perhaps. Like EcoGeek sez, we can get caught up in our eco-bubbles (because they're imaginary, they're totally sustainable) and forget that the information isn't getting out there. I read environmental and vegan blogs everyday, as well as New Internationalist, so I get exposed to this stuff more than y'know, the front cover of Elle. That helps to switch your focus from Gee, am I fat? To, FUCK, the planet is MELTING.
I'm procrastinating from writing a couple of blog articles and finding some Chomsky (or criticism thereof) to read. Also, I haven't even looked at my application to Creative Corners yet. That should probably be top of my list. At midnight. Still, it's my day off tomorrow and today I both went to work and finished a book. It seems once I achieve two things my brain decides that's enough for today, and I watch five episodes of the Big Bang Theory and eat avocado on toast for the rest of the day. It's not a bad way to live, but I'll never get to Peru like this.
And now I'm part way through my application form. This is fun.
8. What are some of your career and/or personal goals? How does this volunteer experience fit in with your goals?
I want to see as much of the world as possible, while doing something useful on each trip, so this volunteer experience fits in perfectly with my personal goals. One of my business ideas is to start a Vegan Travel website, so travelling around South America for a few months will give me plenty to write about for that, and the blog that I previously mentioned is about social change and environmental impact, so blogging about the volunteer experience would be relevant also. I hope to make a living writing and travelling, ultimately.
PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY THEN.
I'm going to Peru, yo!
xx
ETA: Here are some cupcakes.
PS. FUCK. One of the 'health' parts is 'Do you suffer or have you suffered from severe depression or any other mental illness? If yes please give details…'
So, I've never been diagnosed or even seen a therapist or counsellor. Can I say no? Shockingly, depression is a personal thing and if there's one thing I'm hung up on, it's how people view depression. Is it all an attention-seeking ruse? Can someone just 'get over it'? How serious is serious? How do you describe your particular brand of depression? If I were to self-diagnose (which I clearly have) it would be this which is mild manic-depression, but I've wanted to kill myself in the past, been in deep dark holes of pointlessness, self-harmed out of frustration and generally seen my existence as pointless. These episodes usually only last a few days and do not prevent my getting out of bed, going to lectures/work or socialising - because I refuse to let them. I understand that it's not an accurate response to reality but an exaggeration of natural feelings. I guess that's the 'stay connect to reality' oart of Cyclothymic disorder is a mild form of bipolar disorder in which a person has mood swings from mild or moderate depression to euphoria and excitement, but stays connected to reality ?
So what the fuck do I put? Do you think they'll still let me hang out with kids if I say that every couple of weeks I feel like a worthless human being for a couple of days?
Slowly though, I am getting depressed less and my depression is becoming less. Okay, so about a month ago I could NOT STOP CRYING which has never happened before (I usually cry for about ten minutes then...get bored?) and I just could not stop crying. It was weird. For me. But I am beset my dark thoughts a lot less, now that I have defined a few purposes and life goals and am actively working towards a few things, including volunteering in Peru. Should I leave it out?
I have a rule to not lie to a direct question though. Perhaps I should email them with a full description of my mental health...Can I just put self diagnosed mild manic depression but it has NEVER affected my work/study life? Okay, that's probably a lie, I might have done better in essays and stuff, but I always got out of bed and went to lectures (unless I was tired.) I knew that if I let myself stay inside when I was depressed I would never leave. This is also why I'm capable of not becoming addicted to drink and drugs. I have an obsessive personality, not an addictive one. (Again with the self diagnosis.) Usually though, I can see where I'm...drifting from the most productive path and right myself before I end up scagged out on the mouldy carpet with a needle in my arm, or crying in the bathtub with a razor. I've never actually tried to kill myself, though I did once try to kill my brother when we were both in the car by driving into a gate, so maybe that counts? I certainly didn't care if I lived or got maimed. ANYHOW.
Maybe I should just see a therapist or counsellor and see what they say. I think I can get free treatment at Uni still, what with being staff. OR MAYBE I CAN JUST SAY NO AND THEN HIDE MY DEPRESSION LIKE THE SOCIAL STIGMA IT IS. FFS.
Thus ends the ramble about my mental health.
xx
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| Happy New Year! |
[02 Jan 2010|10:50pm] |
I did do party, i did do pub. I did do making cupcakes. I did do writing and writing and writing about everything I want to be and do this year. This is my twothousandandzen (catchy, huh?). I've never been what one might call a calm person, so this year that is my overall aim. I made a giant post for some accountability down at Procrastination Land.
Had a very good New Year's Eve. UM. On my days off I played a LOT of guitar hero and slept on Thomn's sofa twice. Helped cut off Stephen's dreads. NOOO. There is one less dreaded person in the world now. It's okay though, he's only 19, so he can pick up where he left off in a couple of years. Only 19 and he's trying to make it in Barcelona, and I'm going out there in February (hopefully), PARIS, BARCELONA, CORDOBA, GRENADA, MADRID. I'm looking forward to it.
I like to DANCE, hey. (More of these over here.) This year, I'm going to try and become a better photographer, perhaps learn to use my camera as well as trusting to a natural aptitude for composition. RIGHT.
What a shambles, eh?
See you later...
xx
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| С Н о в ы м Г о д о м ! |
[31 Dec 2009|02:58pm] |
В этот раз придется игнорировать праздник, так как ни денег, ни елки у меня нет.
А вам желаю хорошо повеселиться и встретить новый год так, чтобы он был для вас хорошим, добрым и продуктивным!
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| The Year-Ender: 2009, The Year of Cha(lle)nges |
[31 Dec 2009|05:11pm] |
January
♥ Hulahooping! This is the year for challenges after all. I've always been envious of the other kids in our neighborhood, when they would have hulahooping challenges and I could only admire them. Galadarling has this short video of her hulahooping to an entire song, something I wished I could do too. I got so inspired, so I bought a cheapo pink and purple collapsible hoop (which was light, and ultimately more challenging) and practiced almost daily. I can hoop up to 100 (+) now, since my mom bought a new wooden one for her workout and we had a family hulahoop challenge last night at our living room, haha.
♥ Chictopia and Lookbooked.
February
♥ Six-word memoirs on love. For the second time, how unbelievably awesome!
See full post here.
♥ Hot air balloonapalooza! Woot.
March
♥ Alaminos, Pangasinan with the officemates. Clicky.
♥ Vintage ladies.
April
♥ BEACH MONTH!! Also, Bangkok month
♥ Trekked to Mount Pinatubo.
♥ Bataan with pawikans and love.
♥ Laiya with ze gf and her ubernicefamily
♥ Check out how wonderful Thailand is here and here.
May
♥ Doodle and obsession month, Also, join a free seminar month:
♥ Became obsessed with SKINS.
♥ The joy of crytal balls.
♥ DIY fashion bib! Plus family day.
♥ Weewilldoodle, oh yes we will .
♥ More artsyfartsy attempts.
June
♥ DIY headbands.
♥ Pimped a book review, won a book from Fully Booked! YAYFREEBOOK!!
♥ Started pimping blogs/sitesI'm in love with.
♥ Attempts at writing a foodie review .
♥ First attempt at polyvore and flash fiction merger . Then another one
July
♥ Discovered a love affair with Rachel's blog (booksidoneread) and wrote her, and she agreed to have babies with me and even sent me a hilarious snailmail.
♥ More flushable fiction.
♥ First ever 5k with officemate.
♥ Got obsessed with Strangers in Paradise.
♥ ASEUM Symposium!
♥ Discovered the true path to happiness lies in the conscious effort to be positive and hopeful during the journey. A vow to start yoga. Started subscribing to the eletters of all of these helpful sites.
♥ Horrible (and enlightening) motorcycle incident. Found out there were people who really cared, found out what the important things in my life were, found out how to muster bits of strength and hope despite adversity. Loved the support from my lj-friends, you are all so AMAZING, merci beaucoup!
August
♥ Got published in Blanket magazine (BOO no free copy harumph) and met up with wonderful friends from lj-land.
♥ Started a bucket list.
♥ Received tons of delightful snailmail packages from artists I admire, like so.
♥ Zombuki dolls and the flushable fiction they inspire.
♥ Salut! Started taking up French classes at Alliance Francaise.
♥ Binondo food trip.
September
♥ DIY glittery headbands. The Luna collection. Sold out, luckily!
♥ Inspired by Sarah from yesandyes, I did this 30 things before 30 list, too.
♥ Won at the Gigbook storywriting contest! Yayness!
♥ My very own "Keep Calm and Carry On" artwork, sent by the artist through snailmail.
♥ Pretended to be Alice in this exhibit.
♥ Got included in one of my favorite zines.
♥ Went to bookfair with the gf and family.
♥ Was able to buy Cadoo from Booksale for cheap and also received my copy of the book New Day Revolution. See here.
♥ The monster that was Ondoy, where I once again saw how magnificent my lj-friends are. Thank you so much!
October
♥ Joined a book club.
♥ Little Tokyo date and Gigbook awarding.
♥ New penpal (and chatmate) from France, Valerie is such a sweetie.
♥ Dewey 24-hour reading challenge. I finished 11.5 books in 24 hours.
♥ Salcedo Park Saturday date with Nayna.
November
♥ Joined the Ultimate Taste Test.
♥ Chanced upon a Rumi tarot deck.
♥ My dream book club with Kat, the gf and Eliza. Plus Moleskine exhibit.
♥ Built a fort.
♥ Panda escapades.
December
♥ Acquired more books than I could read
♥ Acquired lots of nice notebooks
♥ Acquired a new unbelievably great gadget, care of the unbelievably wonderful gf
♥ Reunions! = <3
I enjoyed each thoroughly. It's funny how I think I might have social and conversational skills now, unlike previous years where I imagined myself as part of the wall.
Highlights:
♥ Discovered the joys of screencapping beautiful movies.
♥ Got addicted to tumblr. Add me up? rainbowrama.tumblr.com
♥ New private blog, New book blogs (two of them!)
♥ Started adding tags to this lj
♥ Met new friends, got reunited with old ones. Thanks to Facebook, I met up with old friends from gradeschool and highschool. Thanks to AFM, I met new friends who are as Francophilic as I am. Thanks to LJ, I met new lovely people, some of which I even got the chance of meeting in real life (Hi, Alich! Hi Kat!)
♥ Addiction to Booksale, a constant, Addiction to frozen yoghurt: Mmm.
♥ Tried eating and drinking new (and legal) things, tried out new restos with the family/officemates and the partner, attempted to document them with photos, but mostly we were too hungry for photo-ops, but it was nice anyway.
2009 Goals accomplished:
♥ Eating healthier. I've been drinking tea in the morning instead of coffee and I honestly couldn't remember when the last time I drank coffee was. Also, have been eating oatmeal for breakfast for a year now, something I couldn't imagine myself doing because I hate the smooshiness of oatmeal. I do know it's supposed to make me healthy though, which is why I started to try it. I've been addicted to it recently, even experimenting with adding dried fruit or peanut butter for extra oomph.
♥ Daily gratitudes. SUCCESS! See this entry.
♥ Talking to the Universe more. I've felt more in touch with the Universe this year. This was also the year I proved to myself how a change in attitude and perspective could really alter things.
♥ Save save save. There's this goal I wanted to reach re my savings and I'm at leat 75% near that goal. Not bad, considering how I thought I could only reach up to 60% max, since my salary ain't that grand.
♥ Keep believin' in magic. I think the blessings I've had this year more than explains how unwavering hope and trust in The Universe and her magical ways could do wonders to your life.
♥ Cook more and try new dishes. I've tried to cook leche flan this year (EPIC FAIL: Don't substitute low fat for evap milk, and don't cook this using an electric stove), and some sweet adobo flakes and some salads and new pasta concoctions here and there, and all in all I'm feeling pretty accomplished, haha. I should organize all of these recipes I've been cutting up and writing down into a genuine organized recipe box.
♥ Review more: There's this blog I've been managing with just a listing of books I've bought, to remind me to read them and to remind me to stop buying books too (which is a far shot). I decided to create it separately from my book review blog, which I've been a bit oc with, and I am just plain obsessed with both. I'm scrapping my movie reviewing plans, we do not jive too much.
Goals for 2010?
I'm still thinking about this one. I think, generally, I would like 2010 to be filled with more laughter, more new friends, more love, more adventures, more culinary creations, more books and pens and paper, more reviews, more goodvibes, more mindblowing conversations, more cuddletime, more great booksale finds, more book geekiness, more nice movies and nice food, more photos and blog entries, just basically, more happiness and love.
I want 2010 to be: The Year of Goodvibes
Happy 2010! Cheers to a fabulous year! :)
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| Bits of bliss: New year, new loves |
[24 Dec 2009|09:52pm] |
♥♥♥ New gadget! In what could be the most surprised (and very happy) moment of my life, the gf outdid herself this time. Did I also mention how she sent a jamongous bunch of flowers and my favorite cake last monthsary at my office (with the help of my boss, no less, haha). I confirm that I might be one of the luckiest girls in the world. (Bises, Universe) Thanks love!
♥♥♥ New crush: Ali Smith. She reminds me of Winterson and Waters, in a more optimistic and hopeful package. I thought I saw The Accidental in some Booksale branch but no such luck. I did stumble upon....ARIEL SCHRAG! *dance break*
I wish I had someone with me that fateful day so I could clutch her and hyperventilate, but nonetheless, what were the chances of finding a graphic novel by Schrag for only Php140? *very pleased*
Am still on the lookout for books by her. Anyone out there interested in a swap or selling old copies of her books? :)
♥♥♥ New office: So this was our last year at MBC. It really saddens me that I had to leave my beautiful window view and comfy seat behind, but nothing is permanent, after all. I just have to grin and bear it. Hopefully this means more exercise for me, since the walk to work is much longer now. On the plus side, I do have a corkboard behind me which I think I can post anti-subservient slogans inspirational messages. The new office means we have to think of...
♥♥♥ New dining options: The foodcourt back at the old office was comforting, but the new food court near us now has SOUP! Like the Soup Kitchen, but much cheaper. The other day I had squash soup so thick and mushroom soup puree, which tasted like vegetarian arrozcaldo. Mmm.
♥♥♥ New notebooks: For Christmas I requested for pretty notebooks and got my wish. I am now the proud owner of more than 5 notebooks, yay! Now for the content, I'm thinking of having the regular gratitudes journal, the what I wore today doodle notebook, a morning pages journal, a bring-everywhere-for-whatever notebook. Any suggestions for the others? :)
♥♥♥ New friends: For this module for my French classes, we only had one guy (Pat, who I also love) and the rest of us are women. I think we bonded really well, and we even had a Christmas potluck party in class with our teacher. I'm looking forward to being with them next module. I love that we have so much in common, from taste in books, music and movies to work industry. They make learning much more fun.
♥♥♥ New blog: I'm keeping a book blog, over at vox. I love how it inspires me to be more critical with the books/magazines I read, to seek out quote-worthy passages worth sharing and to not waste my time with books that don't do anything for me. The great thing about vox is that it has this Amazon tie-up where you can just click on the book title and it will find it for you, then you just insert it in your post. Ah, the joys of laziness.
♥♥♥ New tea-love and morning routine: This is the year I've discovered my love for tea. I don't drink coffee that much anymore, and I've decided to splurge on tea, since they're good for more than one use, after all, and healthier. Right now I'm in love with Celestial's Tension Tamer tea, and I drink it each morning, whilst eating my banana and honey oatmeal bowl with craisins. The minute I wake up I decide if I'm in the mood for some home yoga for a few minutes, while I'm heating water. Then I steep my tea while I prep my oatmeal bowl. Then I eat it with some uppity morning music or try to read a few pages from a nice book or try to write in my morning pages journal. I'm quite the routine-addict.
♥♥♥ New scent addictions: You might be familiar with the human heart nature organic products by now. I seriously considered trying to be a seller but got a bit scared by the initial down. But since they keep on innovating, I'm rethinking this. At the very least, I'm thinking I could just use the products on myself if I can't sell them. I'm in love with their hand sanitizers (right now I'm using the sugarcane/watermelon scent every minute or so. Don't be surprised if you see me sniffing my hands every now and then) and lipbalm.
I'm looking forward to 2010, and off the top of my head, here are things that made 2009 utterly unforgettable for me:
Winning. First run. First time to run. Hulahooping. Learning a new language. Learning about hope, optimism and ultimately, trust. How optimism is the key. Motorcycle incident as something symbolic. Loving completely. Trying to understand. What does not kill me makes me stronger. Joined several helpful self-help sites. Wrote more adoring letters to people I adore, and got sweet replies. Magical people come from a magical place. The Weepies still make my heart fly. So does new favorites, like Owl City, or Carla Bruni. The feeling of being at the right place, at the right time. Talking till my throat hurts. Laughing till my belly aches, with office friends. Laughing about ourselves, and how silly we were. Silliness and nonsense. Daydreams and starsparkles. Unicorns and rainbows, the ever-constant. Being surprised by what's in front of me. Getting lots of lovin' from people I idolize, in form of email/snailmail. The Universe and Galadarling being heartwarmers, smilebringers. The generosity of the world. Magic in unexpected places. Change change change. The power of the net and comments. The awesomeness of my lj-friends. Meeting new friends, hopefully for keeps. Tasting new food items, trying out new places. Discovering new favorites. Struggling to be soft, not letting the world make me hard. Learning when to save and when to splurge. Finally learning how money is not the endpoint, how it just enhances the journey. The true definition of "true". How time could heal things. How friends/strangers could surprise you. How you could surprise yourself.
How I'm thankful for everything, how I'm glad and happy to be where I am right now. My heart is in a nice comfy warm place. For that, I have you in part to thank. :)
Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones! I love you all!
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| борщевик |
[24 Dec 2009|02:45pm] |
на выходных мы делали лошадок из борщевика
лошадки остались жить на даче
я бы на их месте тоже в город не поехала
а зенит, хоть, зараза, тяжелый, фотографии делает самые красивые
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